We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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