Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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