Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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