my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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