I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
