The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
