Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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