He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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