I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
