I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
