she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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