How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
