The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize