It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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