Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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