I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
