You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
