just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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