i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
