Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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