I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
