i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
