This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
