Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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