is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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