There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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