After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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