WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
