Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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