Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
