Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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