I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you inspire me to be a worse person
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
