Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
