I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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