Apparently you make a good broom.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
