im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
