just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
