and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
