I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
