Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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