Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
