puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
