My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
