I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
