there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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