there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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