as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
