you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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