the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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