I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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